Long ago in the far land of Guilder, lives a damsel named Christine. She was a gorgeous girl, who could have any man she wished.
For the past few years she had been watched by Prince Raoul's count, Count Rugen. The Raoul's farther, the king, had been doing badly with his health and the Prince must have a wife to help him lead the country for he would be king once his father passed away. He would only have the most beautiful girl in his kingdom.
Christine was not in any way interested in his visits though. She was too busy riding her horse, (Horse was his name), and tormenting Erik the farm boy. Every day she would demand the craziest things from Erik. Things that would be much easier for her to do herself. All he would ever say is 'as you wish' and do the task.
"Farm boy," Christine looked around the hut for some chore to command Erik to do. She saw a bucket directly above her own head. "Fetch me that bucket."
"As you wish." Was all he said, as usual, and grabbed the bucket and handed it to Christine.
That day Christine realized that when Erik said 'As you wish' meant 'I love you'. But what she also realized was that she loved him too.
The next day Christine ran to Erik's hut to tell him her feelings.
"I love you," Christine said. "I know this must come as something of a surprise, since all I've ever done is scorn you or degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter. I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, and my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. Erik, sweet perfect Erik, whisper that I have a chance to win your love!"
Erik shut the door. Christine ran faster than she had ever dreamed she could run, all she wanted to get away from that hut! Her eyes burned from her tears. She ran right into a tree for she could not see it through the waterfall of pure misery. She fell down on the cold muddy bed of soil. Her arm and knee stung from scrapes producing pouring blood. Once she had recovered she ran and ran along a path and did not return home until dinner.
She would not eat the food her mother brought up to her room. She heard two knock on the door different to her mother's previous knocks.
"Who is it? I will speak to no one!"
"Erik? Do I know any Er-oh, Farm Boy; it's you, how droll! I'm ever so glad you stopped by, I've been feeling just ever so slummy about the little joke I played on you this morning. Of course you knew I wasn't for a moment serious, or at least I thought you knew, but then, just when you started closing the door I thought for one dreary instant that perhaps I'd done my best jest a bit too convincingly and, poor dear thing, you might have thought I meant what I said when of course we both know the total impossibility of that happening."
"I've come to say good bye, I'm leaving."
"Because of what I said this morning?"
"I frightened you away, didn't I? I could kill my tongue."
"I'm going to America to seek my fortune. A ship sails soon from London. There is great opportunity in America. I'm going to take advantage of it."
"Do you love me, Erik?"
"Do I love you? My God, if your love was a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches!"
"If you are just teasing me, Erik, I'm just going to kill you!"
"How can you even dream I might be teasing?"
"Well, you haven't said once you love me."
"Is that all you want? I love you!"
Then Erik took Christine into his loving arms and they kissed. There have been 5 kisses rated the most passionate since the invention of the kiss, and this one left it all behind.
* * *
A week after Erik’s departure, news spread that Erik's ship had been attacked by The Dread Pirate Roberts, who never leaves any survivors. Christine couldn't believe it, Erik was dead!
"I will never love again."
And she never did.